


The Beast With Two Backs

by sapphose



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Fuck Form, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Post-Episode: s05e14 In Purgatory's Shadow, Post-Episode: s05e15 By Inferno's Light, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:54:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28947003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphose/pseuds/sapphose
Summary: Inspired by an idea from Kaelio: "changeling!julian submitted the paperwork to sisko for fucking an alien, specifically garak."This is that.
Relationships: Julian Bashir/Elim Garak
Comments: 43
Kudos: 140





	The Beast With Two Backs

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kaelio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaelio/gifts).



“Thank you for coming to see me, Doctor,” Sisko began. He sat straight-backed in his chair, hands calmly placed on the desk in front of him.

Julian shifted uneasily.

“I was a little surprised, Captain. I thought we’d done our debriefing, and I know I’m not cleared for duty yet.” Not for a lack of trying, but Sisko had been firm and Counselor Telnorri had seconded the recommendation that Julian reintegrate to life on the station slowly.

(Painfully, achingly, glacially slowly.)

“I’ve been going over the reports filed by the Changeling during the past month. There was one I thought would be of particular interest to you.”

Was it about the brain surgery that had been performed on Sisko? Had the Changeling done something to Kira and Kirayoshi?

No, if it were a medical file, Dr. Girani would be the one flagging it. She was tasked with reviewing the records until Julian was decreed fit for regular infirmary shifts again.

Sisko held out one of the PADDs on his desk.

“Take all the time you need to review it, and let me know if there are any steps you would like me to take,” Sisko said.

Julian’s brow furrowed in confusion, but he nodded anyway.

Only one file. A PADD for a whole file? It didn’t make sense. Julian turned it over in his hands as he sat in his quarters, baffled. Well, there was nothing to do but open it.

The heading was familiar: _1098-AKJD,_ _Type III_. It was used for Starfleet crew members initiating sexual encounters with species where there was no documented precedent of sexual contact, both alerting the commanding authority and the relevant medical body appropriate for the situation. Had the Changeling signed off on something ill-advised? Then why was Sisko bringing it to Julian’s attention, rather than Girani as acting CMO?

He read on.

_STARFLEET: Dr. Julian S. Bashir, Lieutenant_

_SPECIES: Human_

_CONTACT LIFEFORM(S): Cardassian_

Julian dropped the PADD to the ground and swore.

The Changeling had had sex with Garak.

Contrary to the opinions of Jadzia Dax and at least a dozen members of the Bajoran militia who had approached Julian (which meant there were even more who hadn’t), Julian and Garak were not engaged in a romantic, sexual relationship. They were purely platonic friends, who had lunch together and argued and went on trips to the holosuite and it wasn’t as if that was so out of the ordinary, Julian did all those things with Miles too, and if he and Garak flirted while they were doing it then that was nobody’s business but their own.

(He had grown accustomed to explaining this.)

It wasn’t that Julian didn’t want to have sex with Garak. He had considered it, from time to time (and if some of those times were late at night and immediately followed by a sonic shower on the highest setting, that wasn’t anybody’s business either). But there were a dozen reasons not to. For one, Starfleet Command was not going to look kindly on an officer shagging a known enemy spy. For another, Garak’s morality was not so much gray as it was some color humans couldn’t perceive. He lied professionally and recreationally, and denied having a concept of the truth. He had been a murderer and torturer for years. He had tried to destroy a planet with Julian on it.

To be fair, he also had been known to do things like rewrite security protocols to try and prevent the station from auto-destructing, but that was because he had been exiled to it and had nowhere else to go. He had helped them rescue Kira when she was kidnapped by the Order, but only because Sisko had threatened him into it. He had arranged for Tahna Los to be caught by the Bajorans instead of turned back over the Cardassians, which might speak at some kind of sense of justice, but it was just as likely that he had still been trying to win Julian’s trust.

The point was, Garak was unpredictable. Dangerous.

And if that made him all the more attractive, it did not make pursuing him any more of a good idea.

(Julian had once lamented that Garak’s sexuality was not a matter of gender but of Cardassia; he was in love with the bloody Cardassian Union, and everyone and everything else took a distant second place.)

The Changeling, it seemed, had not cared about any of this. It had gone ahead and fucked Garak. Or been fucked _by_ Garak. Or sucked him off. Or-

Julian put his head in his hands and groaned. The horrifying possibilities were endless.

This called for the bottle of scotch that Miles had given him for his last birthday.

How could Garak not have known? He was a spy, last Julian checked, and it was his business to notice and know things, like that the man he was having a roll in the hay with was a goddamn Changeling.

What about Julian himself was not good enough? Years he had been flirting and debating, and had gotten nowhere near Garak’s bed (except for literally, when Garak was in steep physical decline from the implant), and then Garak had gone ahead and gotten his rocks off with an imposter.

What was it about Julian that people found so off-putting? (He was on his second glass now.) Miles had said the Changeling was easier to get along with, and his own parents had hated him so much they decided to have him genetically altered. Garak had always been the person who had liked and accepted Julian as he was, including passionate monologues about his fixations and having more knowledge than social skills. Of course Garak made comments, about cynicism and trust, but that was only teasing, wasn’t it?

How could Garak not have told Julian? (Now into a third helping.) Maybe not in the internment camp itself, Julian could understand that there hadn’t been a time or place for it, but on the runabout home? In the days since? Didn’t he think Julian deserved to know?

Was that why Garak had let Julian watch Tain’s shri tal, as some kind of perverse penance? Or did Garak think it was all well and good so long as Julian never found out?

Julian poured himself a fourth glass of the scotch and thought dismally, _Fuck_.

They were supposed to have lunch together the next day. Lunch, as if everything was fine and nothing had changed, as if Garak hadn’t had sex with Julian’s replacement.

Julian went back and forth on what to do. On the one hand, he could stay in his quarters and nurse a hangover and sulk. On the other hand, his quarters still felt… wrong. Almost as if they were mocking him.

What if this was where they had done it? Right here, on Julian’s bed. Or the couch. Or the floor.

He couldn’t talk to Miles or Jadzia, because they were at work (where he would be, if he could be, but he couldn’t so he wasn’t). He could mope about Quark’s, but then Quark would ask him what was wrong and try to sell him something, including possibly holosuite sex, and _oh god what if they had done it in the holosuites_?

In the end, Julian went to lunch.

He had forgotten about Ziyal. Apparently, Ziyal came to these meals now (did _she_ know?), and while Julian was boiling over in righteous fury, he still had enough tact not to confront Garak in front of Kira’s adopted daughter.

So he sat and stabbed his food viciously as Garak and Ziyal chattered inanely about some Cardassian painter, and when they asked him if something was wrong he scowled and muttered in an extremely off-putting way.

Ziyal left quickly, after that. Garak watched Julian thoughtfully, head cocked to the side.

“Something on your mind, Doctor?”

Was that what he had called the Changeling? Or had the Changeling earned that coveted _my dear_ that Julian treasured?

What if Garak had called the Changeling by his name?

“I’ve been catching up on everything that’s happened on the station since I was taken,” Julian said. “Everyone’s been busy.”

“Yes, the O’Brien family especially. They placed several orders for baby clothes.”

Was that a snide dig about the fact that Julian had missed Kirayoshi’s birth?

“Tell me more about what you’ve been up to,” Julian challenged him.

“Nothing of interest. I make dresses, I mend trousers, I find time to eat the occasional lunch. It’s a full life, if a trifle banal.”

“You’ve gotten closer to Ziyal.”

“She’s a remarkable young woman.”

“Have you gotten close to anyone else?” Julian was giving him the chance to confess. If Garak didn’t, it would be because of malice or cowardice, not opportunity.

“No one comes to mind.”

At the end of lunch, Julian declined to set a next date.

“Talk to him about it,” was Jadzia’s advice. Julian declined that too. As awful as it was to have Garak not say anything, the alternative was even worse. What if Garak admitted it, and confirmed that the Changeling had been more appealing? Julian could easily imagine it.

 _You’re a charming young man, Doctor, but I’m afraid it simply had a spark of something you lack_.

What if they had sex, and Garak was disappointed?

Julian had learned over the years how to handle many things. He had not yet figured out how to handle not being good enough.

Julian could feel that he was being watched from the upper level of Quark’s as he played darts with Miles, the third week he had rejected Garak’s offer of lunch. He ignored it.

It was Garak who broke the silence first, as Julian had both hoped and feared.

He did it in private, at least, approaching Julian’s quarters in the evening and actually waiting to be acknowledged before entering. He was dressed in a red tunic striped with bold black lines, and Julian both hated him for looking good and hated himself for thinking it.

Julian let him in but was icy with resentment.

“It’s rather late, Garak,” even though it wasn’t. “Did you need something?”

“Actually, Doctor, I came to deliver a gift.” Garak produced a small silver container seemingly from thin air. (That had been one of the delightful things about Garak, all secretive, knowing smiles and _nothing up my sleeve_. Now all Julian could do was wonder if the Changeling had seen it too.)

“Delavian chocolates,” Julian noted without emotion as he took the package.

“Yes. I was told that giving a gift is sometimes included in an apology.”

“An apology,” Julian repeated warily. Did that mean what he thought it meant?

“Yes. I have noticed a change in your demeanor towards me recently, and I believe I know why.”

Julian stiffened. _Here it comes…_

“I should have realized that you had been replaced. It was a dreadful oversight on my part, and there’s no excuse for my obliviousness. I am sorry, Doctor.”

Garak seemed as contrite as Julian had ever seen him. More affectation than he had exhibited with Tain at the end, but closer to the genuine end of the spectrum.

“Thank you, Garak,” Julian said, and braced himself for the admission that would come next.

Garak smiled.

“I understand if you don’t feel up to lunch just yet, but I am available when you do.” He bowed shallowly.

No other Cardassian that Julian had met bowed. It seemed unique to Garak. Or perhaps it wasn’t something soldiers and scientists did, and came from some specific part of Garak’s upbringing.

“I appreciate that,” Julian replied, still leaving the opening.

“And I’ll happily read whatever human drivel you recommend for the occasion.”

Was Garak seriously not going to acknowledge it at all?

“Garak,” Julian said, “isn’t there something else you need to apologize for? More specifically?”

Garak blinked.

“Is there?”

The bastard. The deceitful, lying bastard.

Maybe this was how they did things on Cardassia, never quite saying what they meant or addressing the elephant in the room directly, but they were not on Cardassia, and Julian had had enough.

“Of course there is,” he snapped. “You slept with the Changeling.”

Garak’s mouth fell open. Julian pressed his advantage.

“Did you think I wouldn’t find out? How could you not tell me? I had to hear about it from Sisko because the Changeling was such a damn model officer that he filed the fuck form!”

“The… fuck form,” Garak repeated doubtfully.

“Starfleet officers have to report to their CO’s if they’re in relationships with non-Federation species, especially if there isn’t any evidence that they’re sexually compatible.” Julian had given this speech before, but never in such circumstances.

“Forgive me, Doctor, but I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re talking about.”

“I think I’ve been very clear.”

“Regardless of the paperwork that may have been filled out, Captain Sisko has been misled. I was not intimate with the Changeling.” Julian scoffed, and Garak continued, “We did not interact outside of our usual lunches, most of which were had in the presence of Ziyal. If it had other intentions, it exploded before it had the chance to act on them.”

Julian stared. Garak looked uncomfortable, but there weren’t any other clues, no blaring neon sign saying _he’s telling the truth this time_. There never was, with Garak. That was the whole point, as far as Julian could tell. Garak wanted everyone to think he was always lying, so if the occasional truth slipped in, no one noticed it.

“Why should I believe you?” Julian asked, and did not bother to keep the bitterness out of his voice. That was the big question with Garak, wasn’t it? Even if Garak was telling the truth about this, he would lie about something else that would make Julian hurt. He may have been captivating (handsome, fascinating, charming, clever, the list went on), but he was not safe.

“Doctor…” Garak stopped, and started over. “Julian. My dear.”

Julian, if not immediately convinced of Garak’s veracity, was definitely agog.

“I understand that I have been known to stretch the truth at times. But I ask you to please believe me when I tell you that you are beautiful and intelligent, and I have been more fond of you than I should be for longer than I care to admit. I share secrets with you that I have never told anyone, because I knew you would not use them against me.”

Julian thought of Garak at Tain’s bedside, pleading for recognition from his father.

“Our friendship is important to me, regardless of what I may say in my worst moments. And I would not jeopardize it for anything less than the safety of Cardassia,” Garak continued.

(There it was.)

“I had no untoward interactions with the Changeling. I realize I have no way of convincing you, but I am telling the truth,” he finished.

It was Julian’s turn to stop and stare.

Nothing had changed, really. Garak was still dangerous. Julian would still be second to Cardassia.

Still, Garak’s words left him feeling tingly and fluttery. Garak trusted him with the truth.

Garak trusted Julian with, it seemed, his heart. That was a gift.

He hadn’t slept with Julian not because Julian wasn’t good enough, but because he cared for Julian too much.

Garak gave another half-bow.

“I can see I have over-stayed my welcome. Good evening.”

“Wait.” Garak paused mid-turn, watching Julian expectantly. Julian smiled. “Do you really think I’m beautiful?”

“Is that the only part you heard of what I said?”

“No, but it seemed important.”

Garak gave Julian a look that indicated he resented having to repeat himself (in telling a vulnerable truth, no less), but he affirmed that he did, in fact, find Julian beautiful.

“I think the same thing about you,” Julian told him.

“You flatter me, Doctor, but there’s no need to try and assuage my ego.”

“I’m not. I don’t really think your ego needs the help,” Julian added, unable to resist the gibe. “I’m telling the truth. When I read the form, I thought…” He ran a hand through his hair. “I was angry, but I was also jealous. That the Changeling got what I’d always wanted. I wondered why I hadn’t been good enough.”

“What you _wanted_ ,” Garak repeated with emphasis. “You wanted to have sex with me?”

“For years,” Julian admitted bashfully.

“My dear.” The look Garak gave him was exasperated and amused and fond all in one, and Julian reveled in it. “I hardly know what to say.”

“Well, if you’re free for the rest of the evening…” Julian drew out the pause with a mischievous smirk. “The form is already filed."

**Author's Note:**

> Kaelio's full idea was: "changeling!julian submitted the paperwork to sisko for fucking an alien, specifically garak, so when julian returns he assumes garak and the changeling-bashir fucked. but garak’s not coming clean about it! ooo!!! julian’s so mad about this!! … but the truth is changeling-bashir hadn’t gotten around to that part of the plan, so garak legitimately has no idea why julian’s suddenly so mad at him."  
> You can find it, and other fun ideas, here: https://kaelio.tumblr.com/post/637433183176114176/ima-just-post-a-number-of-fic-premises-ill-never


End file.
